Do I really know how? Living fully as a widow!

 

Living fully as a widow.

Over thinking is one of the regular things I do. Though off and on I try not to do that, it's just apparently what I do. This is one of those subjects.  Now, why would I over think this subject...I'm sure you are interested (har-har)? 

Because I are one! It's been 20 years, nearly since my beloved, one and only love...moved on and left my presence. Since I'm a believer in the triune one and only Creator of all things created, know we will meet up again in a far far better place than where we once were together. Having stipulated that fact, in my over thinking I would consider my time in as a widow a benefit in overcoming the earlier obstacles of life with out him. But is that really true? Do or will I?

Yes and No! Most of the time I'm good with my life, though that's taken much longer than this impatient kind of expectation was realized. I keep purposely busy and this is for several reasons. One is because as a senior senior it's common to not push any longer but to think it time to just rock and remember.  That's not me. I'm out and about regularly visiting friends, taking care of life situations, groceries and the like. I also craft all kinds of things for self and as gifts and just because I can. 

I've written a book and fixing to finish off another. Also, keep a journal. Recently I organized and put in to action a 6 week widows support group in my church.  Will also do so again in the Fall. That was like a full time job. Also instigated this post. 

It's true I have come through years of change in amounting to a reasonable acceptance of a widows life. I have done the don'ts and managed to learn something and have done some things in a good way for me. The question I noticed when standing in front of other widows, each one in a different time of recovery, have I really got any measure of wisdom and knowledge that is helpful in where they are at the moment?

Temporarily I've come to this: I can't fix their pain. No matter what experiences I share with them about my own struggles and successes. But, I know who can, who will, who wants to.

That statement is the footing to my personal life purpose today. My life is a success story because of where I once was and where I chose to be which has brought me to today. To top that off, it's only going to get better for me as time continues to pass. I have everything to look forward to, which gives me a confidence in life today as a widow. Where once I thought there was an end to my days, I know know that's just not true for anyone.  Not for anyone!

• To answer my post question  title.. I offer this,
• I know at the beginning my form I am an eternal being..
• I know every human being is eternal...
• I know we have all been given free will...
• I know we get to choose the change of our earth suit style...
• I have made the choice to change my earth suit for a perfect suit without any blemish...perfect!
• I have made the choice to live a beautiful eternity full of abundance of every good thing.

So, in summation, do I know how? I continue to learn and yes is the answer. Am I living fully as a widow?  I continue to learn how and reach for the goal that is before me and the answer is yes and it gets better! And, how can I honestly say that? Because I know what happens after my earth suit wears out that I will get a better forever suit immediately.

Yep, I'm Judy, sitting on my couch in the middle of a Saturday writing what's on my mind and in my heart. I invite you to leave a remark in the comment so I know what you're thinking. May God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit richly bless you and yours.

81+10days

 I call them "Tunes" because they are most often happy.... like a happy tune and make me smile when no one is around. They hang on my back porch, one on each side and a gift from a long time, faithful, great friend.

I love Petunias. They ...if they get water regularly...faithfully bloom in such a happy and cheerful way, no matter their color. 

It's funny when you think about what can make you smile when you least expect it, not looking for it or thinking about smiling. For instance, while I've been writing or trying to write my orange tabby Joey, has been trying to gain my complete attention because he is jealous of my laptop and at other times the phone. My example is him jumping up on the arm of my recliner and very casually gently stepping in between me and the keyboard/screen and sitting down. As he completely impairs my view and my typing, and yet he does so in such a "it's me time!" way...how can I not stop and pay attention to him. He is presently on the top of the back of the recliner just above my head. Now that makes me smile too!

All the above makes me think I must come up with a closing thoughtful comment that sounds grand and may even make the reader smile. That would be great it I could.

So...here it is, no matter what day of the week it is, or what those days have held for you...look for a moment to smile. Allow it to happen no matter what is going on at the moment or how important you think the moment is...let the smile begin and spread across your face and bloom and invade that moment. It will indeed make for a cheerful heart.

                              

                 

 May God Bless you and keep you...for now and forever more. It's Judy in the red recliner typing away with "tunes" blooming outside and Joey just lounging above my head as I sign off. May I say...I have a smile on my face 

                                                             and it feels good!

 

                                          

You Knew

 You Knew

You saw me look at his closed eyes,

That very instant I lost myself

But you knew where I put me.

My Daughters were watching me

And I was just fine

I cried out to you but had nothing to say 

And you knew the words I didn’t speak

 I Iost me right then

You knew where I left me

I wasn’t really lost just thought I was gone

 I was upset and beside myself 

you calmed me down and let me cry

The days passed and I didn’t know them

I wasn’t there to watch them go

You knew it all along and held my hand but I 

Didn’t notice you were even there

You were there when I knew he wasn’t

I thought I saw him the other day but it wasn’t him at all

I ran toward my memories but I couldn’t  see him anywhere.

Where was he anyway when he is not with me

Is he hunting or fishing or on his way

I cannot find him anywhere

 

You knew I lost me 

 even where I put me, 

You knew where I was all along

You didn’t forget me though I thought I did

You’ve loved me through it all.

Here I am again this time with you

I didn’t know it at the time

But I know it now

You are where I’m meant to be

I miss him every day 

But I must say

I love you more than I can even think to say

Because it’s you who will never leave me.

It’s you who holds my heart, it’s always been that way

My maker and my redeemer, with you I’m meant to be.

By Judy Chase

A few years ago there was a beautiful worship song "Defender" buy Jesus Culture of which I may have used some of the words and concept of the song in this poem. This poem bounces off my memory of that song and though I don't remember the song itself I want to give honor to those who wrote it and performed it for the inspiration of "You Knew".  

You know it's February When...

 That's me alright...I volunteered to do a craft for children's church because this is missions' month and a missionary from Vietnam is coming and they needed a craft the kids can do having to do with that country, so I volunteered and chose to make a hat the farmers and regular people wear in the fields and around town. This is my first try at figuring out how to do that!!! 

This month of February is packed full of things to do and I'm already exhausted! Not only the craft that I will help the kids within March (it's in this mix because I started working on it in February). 

I also volunteered to organize a support group for widows in my local church and I started that last month, and it actually starts in March. However, guess who busy figuring it is all out and getting volunteers to help and writing and copying and handing out copies and keeping the leadership advised and holding meetings weekly.... on and on and on.

Not only am I doing the organizing and meetings but will be speaking most of the 10 sessions when it starts in March. Of course, that means writing 20-minute presentations for possibly 6 total of the 10. The thing is I absolutely love the challenge and the process, though it does have challenges now and again. I believe the outcome is going to be great. 

And then there's the back surgery scheduled for the 17th in the mix of all the above of which I may be laid up for 3 days but not driving plus using a walker for some time. And not picking up more than 5lbs. Ugh! While attending the sessions and giving presentations every Tuesday for 10 weeks. No worries with the surgery though, the arrangements are made to feed the cat Joey and pet him a while. Family will be with me in the hospital through however many days I stay. Hoping if any it's 1. Plus checking in on me at home until I'm self-sufficient. Oh, forgot I'm not supposed to drive either. 

BTW just so you know the name of the group is "A Widow's Window". I just passed my 19th year and thought it would be a piece of cake. Silly me! It does bring up memories, but I think they are helpful in this process. Nothing I cry about, but I do remember and actually it's helping as I work with other volunteers who will be facilitating with me and also in writing my own presentations. This is tough though for those I hope will attend as well as those of us who are also widows and are preparing our testimonies of how through God, we are alive and well.

I must admit that in my effort to start from nothing except my own clerical experience along with past organizing many different kinds of people gatherings I just jumped in and started typing. It's just now that I came across an article about how to start a widow's group for the purpose of support and helps for those like me. I have new information to add to what is already in place and one thing is that I can see that the group I have envisioned is much too limited and someday will be lengthened to more than just one hour. But though I didn't see that, I've kind of figured that would come in time. I do believe that what will be the first attempt at such a ministry at my church will grow into the kind of group I just read about, and I hope that it does. In the meantime, I'm geared for what has evolved in the planning and team building stage and hope it will be the start of a fruitful ministry for the widows in our congregation today and those in the future.

Hope with me, will you?  This is Judy at my computer working on getting ready for tomorrows team meeting for "A Widow's Window". God Bless you One and All.

Marching Orders-proof 80 is not too old for new things!

 

A new selfie!

2025 and new is happening. I'm so thankful! Change is everywhere and seems to be a really good thing.

I get to help build a widows ministry at the small church I go to and I'm very excited about it. In fact it's an answer to prayer for me. I lost my footing when I lost my husband and thus my life. Everything in my life was put in a brown paper grocery bag and severely shaken and when the contents were poured out it has taken years to re-organize all those bits and pieces.  It's actually been 19 years. I've made several attempts to get back into some semblance of normality but it just hasn't happened until now.  In 1987 my beloved and I began life in full time ministry as pastors. We were in our very early 40's at that time and our family was grown and on their own so it was just the two of us.  I lost all of that in the beginning of 2006 when my husband left this earth.

It wasn't as though we had life long friends in the ministry so I really didn't have any ministerial connections to continue life as a licensed minister. Therefor it just fell off the world and me with it. Just didn't seem to be a place for me and I felt like a has-been/never-to-be again. No matter what door I knocked on no one answered. Time. I believe it was all about time, and now it's time! 

One problem I see is that I'm not really outgoing or a self starter in the manner needed to be bold enough to push and push for something.  Even if I truly believe in it when it comes to getting positive encouragement versus negative results. So I've tried a little here and a little there throughout these years and finally I appear to have a green light that will use my giftings and abilities in the church. I'm delighted and hope I actually get it done with the help of others. Leadership is a funny thing ya know...if no one is following then guess what? You aren't a leader!

I'm in the early stages and am building a team to get the ministry done by early Spring. So much to do and so much information to gather and all the ways and means need to be in writing pretty quickly and ready to go in just a few short weeks. But...I believe it can be done and there may be things that need to be tweaked along the way but I truly think it's gonna be a really good addition to this small church, and even the community.

It's truly a new opportunity in so very many ways.  A New year, New President, New possibilities for this year both in my world and in my life and I hope that's true for you. It's good to dream and it's good to have aspirations and hope for the rest of today and tomorrow. The beginning of a new year is perfect for all the ideas of the past and maybe it's time for old hopes to be refreshed and take this opportunity to consider new possibilities for old dreams....Just a thought.

Happy January 2025...I'm still Judy and still writing. God bless you and your new endeavors whatever they may be.  

2025 changing of the year!

I Was Tricked by Fraud at Christmas...again!

                                                            5 Target gift cards at $250 each...

This is Judy in the Cottage and I fell for an elaborate fraudulent setup. It cost me  $1250. This is real and it's now and very scary and I was clueless until this morning at 10 am.

It started yesterday morning. I opened my laptop and was in process of downloading a KJV Bible from a reputable website. All of a sudden the screen changed and a voice along with flashing headlines that said things about "Your IP address has been compromised along with your cell phone and financial data. Do not close this window or turn off your computer. Immediately call Micro Soft fraud department at....................... 

I looked at the screen over and over again, turned the sound off trying to decide what to do. Several times the statement "do not change the screen or turn off your computer, immediately call ...................................

After a few minutes I called the number on the screen. I talked with a female who introduced herself as a representative of Micro Soft Fraud customer service. She asked me several questions about why I was calling and what was on my computer screen. She went through the scripted description of what had happened to my computer and that all my personal information had been compromised including my phone which means the conversations were being listened to but she had isolated my call and we were on a secure line. She talked about the IP address and all that had that address was involved in the compromised. My IP address would have to be changed and she was already working on that and asked about the name of my bank which I told her. She told me that she was not allowed or authorized to ask me for information regarding my bank account and I would be transferred to the fraud department at my bank.

My call was sent, or so it seemed, to a man introduced himself as Travis Johnson, and h gave me his ID# and his phone number in case our call dropped I could call him back or if I had questions he would be happy to answer them.  I made note of all the information he gave me.  He told me what would have to be done and first there would have to be a duplicate transaction at the bank. In other words another withdrawal from my checking account in the same amount as had already been made and that was necessary for the bank to get the original deducted amount duplicated so that that amount could be recovered.

He then gave me instructions on what to do. I was to go to a grocery store that sells gift cards and buy 5 cards from one of the 3 merchants he suggested. Amazon, Target, and Soma. I was on the phone with him in the grocery store and told him I found Target cards. He asked what denominations they were for and I told him what the card said $10-$500, He directed me to get 5 cards and go to the register and put $250 on each one of the 5 cards using my debit card. Be sure not to tell anyone what I was doing and if asked the cards are for gifting to family. So I did what he said and left the store with the purchased cards.

When I got home I was to call him. I did and he asked me for the numbers on the back of each card which I gave him after scratching off to reveal the numbers.  He then told me that it would take until in the morning for the bank to process the second deduction to get my money back in my account and that he would call me at 10 the next morning which was this morning 12-30-24.  I waited for 10:00 am and the call didn't come so at 5 min after the hours I called the number I had been calling to talk Travis and the number rang and then went to busy and then some other sounds. I hung up and tried again and the same thing happened again.

I hung up again and called my local bank and talked with the mgr and he said it was fraud because the bank would never direct anyone to buy gift cards. He asked if I had given the numbers off the cards and I said no. After I got off the phone I remembered that I did give Travis the numbers off of the gift cards.

The bank mgr had told e to call the fraud number on the back of my debit card and I did. I spoke with Crystal R and she described the process and asked questions for the claim she was taking for me. She told me that it would be 5-10 business days before a determination would be made and whether or not money would be returned to my account!

The balance left in my account is what I spend on groceries in a month. Nothing left for rent or any living expense bills, gas for my car and the amount I had budgeted for Christmas.

Part of me cannot believe I fell for the scam. I say that because about 4 Christmases ago I was scammed for $4000.00 through my Discover charge card. I reported the fraud but did not recover any of the funds. The set up was entirely different then. This time it was much more elaborate involving Micro Soft and hijacking my phone call from MS and presenting as my bank. I got names, ID#'s, phone numbers and full names in some cases.

The part that was the same was the purchase of gift cards and the giving of the numbers off the cards to the man of the phone. And not telling anyone what I was doing but to say I was purchasing the gift cards for family gifting.

I am posting this as a warning. They were sneaky the first time and they got better at it this time and I fell for it. I truly hope the right people read this post this season. I don't know if I'm going to get the $1250.00 back or not through the bank. It was my Social Security check, the only money I get each month. I choose to believe that "no weapon formed against me will prosper..."Psalm 91 and that God will make a way where there doesn't look like there is a way today. I know He will.

This is Judy in the cottage on the last day of November of 2024 and I'm sorry to be posting this story but it's true and it happens so be aware and if it involves buying gift cards don't do it!!! no matter who they are or who they say they are.

UPDATE 12-18-24   I was not able to retrieve any of the money that was taken from me and here's why. The bank would not or could not get the funds back into my account. I HAD authorized the purchase of the cards I was told to purchase. Because I willingly authorized the purchase it didn't matter that I was tricked or that I didn't get what I was told I would get which was the money that had been debited to my account that showed on my online bank account at the time of the event. The fact I was scammed didn't make any difference because the fact is I purchased the gift cards willingly.

Milo

Such a cute little guy.

The daughter of a friend of mine caught this little fella between an access road and a major 6 lane freeway in a small grass area. He was scared and though several cars had stopped with people out and trying to woo him, he would not be caught. After all but one left, he finally gave in and was safe in the arms of someone who would in a couple of days bring him to me. 

That was a little less than 2 years ago. After a time of wrestling with my ability to keep him with me I called my friend to get the phone number of her daughter. I told the daughter my issue with keeping Milo and she was absolutely beside herself with the idea that she could have Milo. 

When she first met Milo there in that little grassy area of the freeway, she already had two small dogs and there just wasn't anyway to keep this little guy. Now, she had just one and so the possibility of her getting Milo was the very best thing she could imagine. Within a couple of weeks she had flown in to my town from halfway across the US to reclaim Milo. She had brought her other pooch with her so that the two could bond on the way home in a rental car.

It was a hard two weeks of anticipation between the phone call and her arrival to pick up my Milo. When the day came I had all Milo's things ready. A wicker suitcase filled with clothes and toys, dishes and food were sitting by the front door. Also, his bright yellow stroller. Similar to a baby stroller but specially designed for a small dog. 

I said goodbye to Milo that day and he could have cared less at the moment because he was in the back seat of the rental car with his new room mate Oliver, just about the same size but somewhat older. Getting to know each other and setting limits in the back seat. I must say, Milo was very happy.

I've heard just a little about him since which is the way I wanted it. He and Oliver are buds and Milo is too busy to miss his use-to-be home. I'm thankful and his new mom is very happy. 

So, that means I'm presently pet-less. I do miss him but, it needed to happen so I'm also relieved. I am a pet person so there will be another but it will be a kitten.  Not sure when but maybe before Christmas or for Christmas.  Something like that.  I found I am no longer able to take care of a dog's needs of which there were many for Milo, a young dog not fully trained whose needs were not compatible with the recent new living space we moved into. What I'm really and truly thankful for is the way things turned out for him to go back to the one who rescued him. She had wanted to keep him but at that time it just wasn't a possibility. She loved him at first sight. 

I look at in a good way I think and consider myself to have been his foster mom until his mom-in-waiting could keep him forever. I did not post this at the time of it's writing. I'm guessing it was harder than I thought but the time is right now.  Was recently looking into the cost and what all I want for a kitty and it is quite a bit of stuff. Of course, where will I put a cat tree? Hmm, things to consider. My rent will go up a few dollars but it's worth it. This is not the all in all on this subject...I'll be back on this!

It's Monday and a quiet day expected.  As always, this is Judy in the Cottage. Hope your day is an especially really good day! God Bless You.  Please leave a comment before you go.

 

There's been a breakthrough!!!

 

This a short post but I just have to make record of this breakthrough of my blog. I have a comment from a reader outside close friends. Someone I don't know has not only read a post but has commented on it and that's the breakthrough I've been working toward since I started blogging several years ago.  A totally encouraging comment was left on the post about turning 80. I'm so encouraged to continue writing the little bits and pieces of my thoughts and experience as Life continues. I love writing and it's rewarding when someone reads what I've written and also comments their thoughts.  I do give thanks.  

Yup, it's me, Judy sitting in my recliner this beautiful November day adding this note of thanks. Blessings to all. Leave a comment if you will, and thanks for stopping by.

 

Miracles Do Happen Today

 

                        

 Aspen

The above painting is one of four paintings I have done in the last 3 weeks or so. I will be posting all four soon with an explanation of why the Aspen and why so many.

....

This post is about a friend of mine who I will call "JJ"! She is 81 and lively, interested in everything with always something interesting and fun to hear about.  JJ had not been feeling well for a few days and at the advice of friends and family I took her to a local ER satellite. Within a couple of hours she was in hospital and the subject of all kinds of testing. After all the preliminaries it was decided that she had at sometime had a major heart attach and an angiogram would be administered. On about the 4th morning of her stay the test was administered. All seemed to be expecting that the left side of her heart was dead mostly and much scarring was present in her heart muscle. Very grim. JJ didn't know about what the preliminary test findings were or exactly why the angiogram would be done.

The test results were made known to the family first, but not until the following day. There was no evidence of scarring or damage done to her heart ever. Nothing at all showed up, her heart muscle is as it should be at age 81 for a female. The only reason for her crisis was an infection which was readily taken care of before leaving the hospital.  

JJ is home and taking things a bit slower than the norm for her and gaining strength day by day. The apparent infection had gotten into her blood stream thus the need for taking the meds given and living a bit slower for a few days.

It's now been just a little over a week since she got to go home and she's back in full activity, rejoicing at what God did in her body.

Here's what I think! In this world today, the last thing we look for is a miracle. When one does occur the temptation is to explain it away. I say, don't do that! Miracles can and do happen everyday everywhere and to anyone. People have become so cynical and the sad thing about it is, we miss what our Creator is doing everyday.  So, what if it isn't a miracle? Yea?, so what? What if it is!? and what if He did it for you! or someone you love, or know or heard about?

God, the Creator of all things created, does miracles all the time. Even in your life. I believe it's a better way to think about the things that happen in our lives as we go along, especially in the days that we are living in. 

I challenge you to look for miracles, good things everywhere you are everyday. Start pointing them out to yourself and others. Look for the little things and pay attention to what you are seeing, hearing and what's going on around you. Look for good....I guarantee you will find the good if you intentionally look for it.

It's me, Judy in the Cottage on a Saturday. Hope you enjoy this post and will comment. God Bless all that you lay your hands to as you seek to see his heart for you. Psalm 139

Something Happened when I Turned 80

 

It's October, that's nearly 6 months since my 80th birthday and I still am amazed that I'm actually 80 years old or young. "How can it be?" I say to myself quite regularly. It's even reflected in the mirror. I mean I had the normal aging skin as the normal American woman and then along came my 80th birthday. What's that about?

Here's what I have to say about all that....quite honestly I don't understand it? I'm actually still 30ish on the inside, that didn't change! Still looking for something meaningful to do with the rest of my life. (Been doing that since I was 30ish.) I am more sure of myself now than I ever was and even know who I am. Almost think it would have been great if I'd known that when I was 30ish. Plus what I know now about God's heart for me and those around me and learning more about that daily.

I'm actually beginning to realize that I've lived a long time and know things those younger than myself don't know anything about. They have no point of reference, therefore are clueless about some of the things I talk about. Understanding that everyday conversations have my inserts of past experience and understanding from knowledge of how things work that cannot be known by the younger in the conversation because they didn't live it and I did. Know what I mean?

I think the listener does but I'm wrong.  If they are more than 5 years younger, they can't conceive the fullness of my opinion or answer or deductions even if they are a history buff. Why? because they weren't there, present for the reality of whatever the subject might be, more especially if it's lifetimes lived. Nor can that person see it from my point of view because of the difference in life on earth living.  

I should now understand why I get flack in all kinds of demonstration. I think what I say should be understood as a given. Things I don't mention because I assume the listener understands because I do. BUT they don't and it's natural that they wouldn't...but I didn't get that until 80. Actually come to think of it happens with my age group and in those cases it's because of the difference in the life they lived. Or get this, even the difference is because they don't know what I know because I never mentioned what I know about a particular subject or whatever. It didn't come up or there was no need to mention what I knew about a thing. Get it?

Looks like I'm saying that when we converse with others and get odd responses, don't be offended. Ya just can't explain what you mean by every word you use when there's personal history behind that word or thought that causes you to have a different perspective. I mean...you can't explain every word/thought you have sometimes. Or maybe think you don't have to...

Maybe this is more about both the speaker and the listener. As a listener, if I don't understand something I let the speaker finish what they are talking about and if it hasn't been explained in the total of what they were saying, then I ask questions.

I'm just picking up on all this stuff at 80. This started when people started saying things that told me they either don't believe what I said, or they just don't know what I'm talking about and they try to attach what I've said to something they understand. (btw it doesn't work that way.). Well it is confusing from where I sit. Although when people find out that I'm 80 they say no, more like 60...go figure!

Here's the bottom line as far as I'm concerned. I shall live until I die, I shall be busy until I can't, I will bypass aches and pains and discomfort and just do it anyway whatever it is I want to do, and...I won't tell anyone I might be hurting, not feeling well, can't do something because I'm tired!!! That's concerning living a normal day in a normal way for me. If I really can't do something physically then I won't do it. No complaining. If I really need to go to a doctor I will. The second commandment reads, love your neighbor as you love yourself...I shall love myself by taking care of myself so that I can love my neighbor.

What does that mean to me? I'm making changes in what I eat...backing off of processed foods as much as I can. Making my own bread, not buying boxed foods as much as possible. Eating real sugar but not white, using pink salt, cooking not going out or no fast foods as much as possible. Using real butter, no carbonated drinks. And so on. No covid vaccines but have taken a forever flue, pneumonia, and shingles. Will not take any further vaccines. Will start drinking water that is pure, no additives of anykind. and not from the tap (have to investigate this one). As for loving my neighbor I'm working on 1 Corinthians 13:4...

That's it for this post. May the God of all creation Bless you all, your coming in and going out, everything you lay your hands to as you abide in him and he in you, give you favor and prosper you in health, friendships, family and in the pursuit of living right every day. I'm Judy in the cottage starting my day early.

Please leave a comment before you leave. Thanks, it means a lot to me even if it's just Hi!

 

Dyscalculia at 80

 2 of 6 flower arrangements to sell at the October Craft Fair and I made them all!

(Didn't find out the clear glue used to look like water takes up to 6 mos to solidify)

Now for the real post...

DYSLCALCULIA

One of the several learning disabilities under Dyslexia and I discovered it over the weekend. I must admit I had come across it before but only looked at the Dyslexia and decided I did fall somewhere in that, but the description didn't fully fit me the way I thought it should, so I just ignored it.

AND then along came this past weekend and for a reason I don't remember, I looked up dyslexia again and saw the "calcul" part of the word and was curious, so I clicked on it. Oh my... I still haven't really believed that there on the screen was nearly a perfect description of me and my experiences in learning and maintaining what I did learn. After all these years it's hard to believe there is an explanation for all the doubt and difficulty and wondering about why I just couldn't get it with numbers!

The thing is there's more to it than just not being able to memorize the multiplication tables when I was in elementary school. When I graduated from High School it was with only having completed General Math. No other math! None! And I barely passed it. When I was very young my grandmother lived with us, and she took care of my sister and me while my parents both worked. When I was, I think the 3rd grade she had me evaluated, with the permission of my parents, for mental retardation.

That didn't answer her concerns about my learning abilities because I passed just fine. That was in the mid 1950's, and I don't think the knowledge of the whole stream of dyslexia learning disabilities had yet been widely known if known at all. I was always a little concerned that she thought along those lines but now at 80 I realize that she knew something wasn't right. She just didn't know what. She had been a grade schoolteacher in her younger years. 

Along with not being able to think of numbers the way my classmates did is also a glitch in understanding things connected to what numbers are related to. To put it in real life I've always had difficulty with balancing a check book, even with a calculator. I worked at a bank several times and I could handle the money for the customer at my window. Make change, cash checks and take deposits. What I had extreme difficulty with was balancing at the end of the day. When things didn't balance, I could look at the calculator tape and not see anything. But the Head Cashier would take one look and find the mistake immediately. That was without comparing it to anything but the cash count.

There are many other things this disability touches which I won't go into...just google it if you are interested.  The real excitement came when I saw the following paragraph title "Superpowers"! As I read it, actually word for word the tears began to well up but never quite overflowed. The description was nearly perfect about things I can do artistically, how I intuitively know things, the insight that seems to turn out to be right usually and so on. And the way I think! How I seem to think of things outside the box in problem solving. Redesigning something that doesn't quite meet the need. The ability to rebuild, redesign and make a poor design of my own into something that works even though. As long as |I don't have to measure, or it doesn't have to be perfect in that aspect it's all good.

I once bought an old armoire redesigned it into an office piece with a fold out work surface for a desk, holes for the wires to go through in the back, shelves under the computer, shelves above for binders and papers. Instead of using the doors to the original piece, I replaced them with a couple of swing out rods that opened in the middle and hung curtains on both so that the inside of the cabinet could be closed from view. It worked great for a couple of months but then I noticed it was beginning to lean. That continued to continue until one day it became too obvious as I was sitting at the computer as it was moving. Ah phooey! I had a friend take it outside and break it apart and throw it in the dumpster. I knew then it was the measuring etc.                   

                                                                             The Cabinet    👀                                                                                     

That's my cat Iris.  First is the cabinet being dismantled in part. Second is the working cabinet. The piece propped up on the side is the inside of the front door. 

I'm so thankful even at this moment that all those years that I struggled with the reading, spelling, grammar and particularly numbers. Never be able to understand how grammar worked or math. With those two things being so primary, basic, in everyday living and I couldn't figure out why I just can't do either without a great deal of frustration and event tears at times. There's an answer, it's real and it's has absolutely nothing to do with my intelligence. And the plus is that in some areas I'm on the top side of above others.  

If this post at all interests, you for personal reasons...look it up!!!

This is me, Judy once again sitting at my monitor attached to my laptop on the desk, I assembled from two file cabinets and a board which resides in my craft room! This is where I create. Believe it or not I am apparently somewhat gifted with creative writing. I'm so much better for this information. It explains me to me.  Blessings to you each one. In the Cottage, I'm Gramms of Gramms Cottage Creations. Not a business just a name for my creations. 

Visit to Nurse PA and then...stayed!

Went to see the nurse and ended up in the ER then the hospital!

Who knew? Well of course God knew. At some juncture the thought did occur to me that I was going to hospital, but it was a fleeting thought. Sure, enough one thing led to another and there I was at 10am in bed in the ER at the hospital where I worked a long time ago in the gift shop. The hospital that my youngest daughter spent most of her 30-year career as a nurse. She was who I called when the VA Nurse Practitioner advised me very strongly to go to an ER. We left my car in the parking lot and at about 10 checked into the ER without having to wait as I recall. 

The whole protocol has changed since I was in hospital several years back. Now there is an ER doctor and hospitalists who are the hospitals doctors who rotate shifts who call all the shots literally. Specialists consult but it's the hospitalist who writes the orders for everything. He admits and discharges. Any other doctor in your life has not position except to do surgery. Specialists' can be called in but though they can order testing it is the hospitalist who actually puts all things in motion.

 My cardiologist ordered a test but it was the hospitalist who got it on the move and though the specialist told me to make an appointment in two weeks and he'd tell me what the test revealed. But that didn't happen...too many people on the way. I have yet to get an appointment from the powers that be. I expect to hear about that maybe next week, maybe. I had really good care in spite of all the rigmarole. 

Meals were excellent. All good color and tasty and more than enough food. Everything in that area was best ever as far as I'm concerned. The reason for all of the attention was triple digit numbers in my blood pressure and a really low heartbeat. The bp numbers have been going on since March this year and this is now August 3rd. I'm glad to be home and the numbers are all good now. A good many meds changed and some deleted. Since I've been home, I'm just plain tired. My EKG showed some scar tissue so the cardiologist things I've had an attack but I'm guessing I'll find out when at the appointment in his clinic. My daughter has been the best during the whole 5 days...guess 6 days now. She had all the information the doctors asked me for...I had no clue! And when I needed help, she went to bat for me and got what was needed during the 4 days I was there. She took Milo home with her. 

Milo was my dog at the time. He looks like a small black fox for which I'm exceedingly thankful... I couldn't have done so well without my daughter. This is the second day home and I'm ok but really tired. Didn't get to go to my grandsons wedding shower... and won't be going to church tomorrow. Not all that stable walking. I spent every day in bed. The walking I did was from the bed to the bathroom and back. So thankful to back in my own bed with my pooch. I'm on the mend and should be up and at'em the beginning of the week and I'm looking forward to that. In the meantime, I haven't done much of anything. 

About Milo...He has gone to North Carolina to live with his new mom and new brother Otis, a graying Chiwawa. (Can never remember how to spell it so it's phonetic.) I came back to this post to add the picture and decided to do some editing in the spelling and grammar and thought to redo Milo's info. I Miss him but he's got a buddy now to interest him and not be alone when his mom is gone. He was pretty lonesome with me.

 Guess I'll turn out the light on the day. This is Judy from Gramms Cottage with Milo alongside saying goodnight and God Bless all. Leave a comment, I'd love to hear from you.

Sometimes Life is Just Hard

So I've put some pictures up for you to see why I've named this post "Sometimes Life is Just Hard". When I moved into my new apartment there was a flowerbed on the right next to the garage on my way to the front door. It was full of white landscaping rock. Because my frontdoor along with my porch neighbor is an alcove that collects whatever the wind blows the white rocks collect that stuff and it looses it's attrativeness. Sooo, I advertised on marketplace for white landscape rock FREE for the taking. Not too many days after I posted there was a taker. He and his significant other were doing some landscaping and he wanted the rock. And he actually did come and get all the rock (or at least the white rock, there was more than one level). As advertised, he took both mine and my neighbors rock Well then what? I had no plan.So for the last several weeks the flower bed was bare dirt with the second layer of rock revealing itself here and there. So, while I was thinking about what I was going to do with the flowerbed, I raked the remaining rock into piles with kind of a design developing in the process. The second picture is the beginnings of the plan I came up with. This was after clearing it with the management of the complex I live in. There is no water access in the flowerbed. There use to be but it has since stopped working and the sprinkler heads have been capped, so absolutely no water. The plan is...artificial turf with islands and a water feature. Some potted plants and eventually plantings of ornamental, drought tollerant grasses and whatever else I come up with all which will be planted on the islands. I spent last eveing laying the artifical turf. Hopefully I got the nap of the grass baldes heading all the same way. Using 6' nails each cut piece is nailed to the ground. The heads of the nails show, so I'm going to have to figure out how to fix that. I did buy some play sand for the infill which will be sprinkled on the turf, after I brush up the blades of grass so that they are standing up straight. The infill is suppose to help keep the blades standing up, weight the grass material down, and help the turf hug the ground. The turf I purchased was 3'x9' and I knew it wouldn't be enough to do the entire area I wanted to cover. I'm not really good at measuring for such a job so I elected to order one piece, lay it before ordering the rest of what I need. Anyway. I got as far as nailing the pieces down on the dirt. The next step will be to brush the blades up so they are standing up intsead of laying down. Then comes the sprinkling of the play sand and then somehow camoflaging the nail heads. Maybe just painting them to match the turf will work. May need to tape the back side of the turf where there are pieces joined to help keep them in place. BTW, it's not hard to pull up the nails. The water feature is a small pond ground with some big rocks and fake greenery placed around. I checked it out before buying the turf and it worked well. Later I plugged it in and it didn't work. I purchased a water resistant outdoor extension cord and haven't tested it yet but have decided that if the pump doesn't turn on when plugged in, I'm going to replace it with a solar operated pump. I probably should have done that to start with but I had an electric pump already so I put it in place. ld Sometimes Life gets Hard and this project has tested my abilities to carry out the plan. There's more to come and I'll be posting next time on the completion of the project in a couple of weeks. To tell the truth, I love the challenge and at 80, I operate under the idea that if I don't use it I'll loose it...talking about my physical strength. So until then don't let difficultiy stop you from doing things. Just do it! This is Judy on a Friday night doing what I really enjoy doing and that's writing. Blessings to all who read what I share and please leave a comment. I really would love to hear from you.

Crafting Again...YAY!

Everything's a big mess in my new craft room. I clean up and then mess it up! an ongoing cycle and I absolutely love crafting in my craft room. There's going to be a craft fair at my new apartment complex in October. I understand they do so every year. Apparently I get 2 6' long tables at no charge and I can sell my crafts and keep all the proceeds. So I have begun my planning as well as crafting. My list of crafts to be ready to sell includes, hand crafted jewelry by me, refreshed old jewelry collected, origami folded paper shirts that hold money or a gift Card, junk journals and small paper books for notes titled "something to write on" designed for purse or wallet, jewelry crafts like wall hangings and yard sale items renewed that haven't sold in the past like ceramic containers with floral arrangement included and various other renewed or newly adapted for new uses items. 

 Have already started making, selecting things, cleaning things, refreshing things and making display containers and adding to them. Don't know how much I will come up with from now until mid October but I'm gonna give it my best shot. Not interested in making Christmas decor mostly thinking about gifts and gift tags and cards with Christmas in mind the rest will be for gifting. I learned so much while I was into jewelry making about display and making my own display holders that while making the items I'm also making things to display the crafts I make on. All very creative. I don't really have any pictures to add here. 

Well, I think I'll postpone posting this until tomorrow when I can take some pictures of what I'm making for show and tell....yup, think I'll do that. Right now it's 3:40am so I need to turn out the light and go to sleep instead of keep writing. SO...nite nite and I take this up tomorrow and get it posted then.... Still didn't take any pics but before I say goodnight this Sat. night I want to mention what I'm amazed about and that is those of you who read my posts are from all over the World.

I mentioned Hong Kong where there are the most readers then there's Singapore, France and so many more. I just want to say thank you all for popping in and reading what I write. I'd love to hear from you individually and I can if you will leave a comment or you can just say Hi. Maybe I'll remember about the pics tomorrow...Goodnight all....

having trouble arranging the pictures but these are just a couple of crafts in the making. The reindeer are made of salt dough and they are bow ornaments to put on a Christmas gift.

Did I tell you I'm a great grandmother?

 Isn't it wonderful?                                                                                            So thankful for Mazie!

Mazie  7.11#'s

And she's beautiful. I've gotten lots of pictures thanks to my daughter who is with her daughter and her new baby daughter. Well, that's my big news. They live far far away but it's okay. When I was having my babies I lived far far away from my parents and grandparents. Technology may be frustrating sometimes but I'm sure thankful that I get to see her in real time on my laptop and hear the conversations  going on while I get to watch baby Mazie sleep. LOL, I think that's funny. It is actually fun and a treat to get to see her sleeping while life goes on around her she is all snuggled up sleeping.   

In the mean time back at the cottage, I've unpacked the last box and busy now organizing the closets and each room, one at a time. Some rooms, like the craft room, are a continual organizing and reorganizing but that's to be expected. 

I knew my life was going to change because of this move. Texas is big and it takes a while to get where you want to go no matter where you live. I moved across town and its like moving to a different town. The same stores I shopped at before have branches where I moved and I'm noticing they are each laid out just a little bit differently so things aren't in the same place in each store. The traffic is terrific here more than where I was and I was in a busy area. I'm using more gas going across town to church and friends and it takes more time to get across town from where I am now. Looks like my gas budget is going to increase considerably and I'm thinking I have to run errands and stay out longer by trying to take care of them in one trip. Kinda like living out in the country only not if you get what I mean. Other things are looking like change is gonna happen too like seeing friends less often and maybe even changing churches. Because there seems to be more traffic it's a bit more of effort to get somewhere because of the amount of cars and the speed limit is higher so everyone is moving faster. Not a problem really just different.

I'm glad I made the move it's really good and I must admit I do like change. Brings lots of new things and new people and different experiences. It's really a good thing, kind of like an adventure.  My apartment is much more square footage and so I walk more just inside my home from room to room and up and down the hallway and that can't be bad. The neighborhood is much safer to walk my pooch. The streets are narrow and curvy and there is a no trespassing sign at the entry of the community. So most of the cars are residents or visitors so nearly no traffic. Milo and I walk safely and he is beginning to be familiar with the streets we walk in and the other dogs of the neighborhood. He's not real friendly with them though, just their owners. He likes them alot. I've done a little crafting  while sorting all the box contents since the first of May. I do have big plans in that aspect of my new residence.  Slowly but surely the craft room is looking better and less congested.

Life is good these days for me and I hope the same is for you where ever you are. I know, there's lots to complain about but I choose not to do that. I really am thankful for all this move has given me, even the gas and time  that has changed. That's it for this post. It's a little after 11pm so time to turn in on this 6th of June. God bless you and yours...keep looking up, it's just easier on the eyes and thoughts. 

Leave a comment, that's something I haven't had yet but I sure would like to know what's on your mind. I'm Judy, in my room at my new cottage...good night.

Something Happened and I must tell...

 Over the past few months I've been leading a Bible Study group of generally 4 ladies, 5 including myself. I say leading rather than teaching because that's what happens. We are using a book written by Dr. Jeremiah "The God You May Not Know". Our group meets every week at the home of one of the ladies and is always relaxed and always a cold canned Pepsi is offered. We are all Seniors and range from the 60's to the 80's.

My groups are usually talkers because I encourage questions and comments even small debates at times. The point is to learn from the material and each other. I truly believe Holy Spirit resides within each believer and He is our ultimate teacher and I like to hear what he has to say through each of the participants. Of course there must be constraints of sorts but that's to fit within our time limit and to stay on task. The Bible is on hand of course.

This study has changed me and I am surprised and totally in! I've been a Christian, born again, since 1975. Been in lay leadership in the church, home group leadership with my late husband, Officially a leader in the church as Co-Pastor after graduating from CFNI, Dallas, Tx in 1987. Official ministry ended in 2001. That means I was no longer officially licensed within the denomination that Licensed me. This happens when a licensed minister no longer holds a paying position in a church. Because God's calling is without repentance, I continue on without a church covering, in ministry. 

I do not consider myself to know the answers to life, about God, the church, or any asked of me. I do follow the lead of my God in daily life as much as I know how. I love my Creator more and more everyday and spend time with Him daily. And yet, I'm blown away at how much the study that is finishing up this next week about the Creator of all that is created and all that is, is created by the Creator, make no mistake about that. It is fact and has nothing to do with whether or not mankind believes He Is.

Certainly I cannot rewrite the book I'm finishing up, in the telling here. What I do want to say is I am thoroughly amazed by the explanation of who God is. I still don't know it all and no one can because we are limited. He is not. Only by His own Holiness and it's His choice.  There are certain words that I have decided are never ending. They are as follows:

Eternity, Omniscience, Love, Heaven, Hell, God's Creation...the universe, galaxies, space, never, always, more. 

To actually realize that all of God is everywhere all at the same time and involved in every human life in such detail that he even knows how many hairs on every head at every moment while knowing what we are all thinking, doing, saying, living and dying all at the same time world wide! And this is hour after hour after hour, day after day, and so on. He never sleeps or turns away from anyone...never. NEVER! He has no limitations, none, zip! He doesn't have a big toe! He isn't human! and yet he's emanuel, God with us.

We have limitations and we die! God does not! We cannot, don't have the ability to limit Him. He is and will always be who he says he is and mankind cannot change him in anyway. Lack of belief in Him does not make him small or powerless or disappear in anyway. He is and was and will always be. The theories about how the world began without God Himself are nothing, mean nothing and accomplish nothing except rob mankind of the truth. And, further more like it or not, God is in control, in charge and man cannot change that. God is! Above it all! Is Power! and there is no other. He is the only one. Satan lied to Adam and Eve in the Garden and he is still lying.

I have known that God is bigger than I can even think and this study enlarged that I know that today without doubt but more, I know how more about the how much more which tells me there's so much more that I don't know. He's amazingly more.

God is known by many names and each one describes a part of his character. If you don't have the faintest Idea what I'm talking about, One of His names is Jehovah, and Yahweh, or Abba. Pick up a Bible...a New King James or a Living Bible and start with the Book of John in the New Testament. Let the author of that book in the Bible introduce you.

It's Friday evening before Memorial Day. Have a great weekend. Milo is somewhere asleep. I think I'll wake him and we will go sit on the back porch and enjoy the late afternoon. Blessings, I'm Judy and I'm glad.